Gorkhaland: The Solutions & Why Not

After my last post about Gorkhaland (to which I received a lot of constructive criticism), this is the follow-up post. The issue of Gorkhaland is not inherently a complex issue, and therefore should not be made to look so. So let us look at the probable solutions one by one.

FIRST SOLUTION: Do nothing.

The state government does nothing and the central government turns a blind eye to the hills. How much steam does GJM have? It's all going to fizz out in a few months. And if still the agitations continue, well then lets suppress it.

Advantage: None in particular. Might satisfy some higher egos in the state government.

Disadvantage: Agitation continues, and all the harmful things associated with it (mostly financial). Plus, it leaves the issue open to dispute later.

SECOND SOLUTION: Merge Darjeeling with Sikkim.

Yeah, that saves the hassle of forming a new state, and must also placate the Gorkhas (Man, doesn't Sikkim also consists of mainly Nepalis?). But I don't think that's possible. If the Gorkhas are looking for an identity, Sikkim is hardly going to provide that. And ironically it was to save Sikkim's neck that the British had annexed Darjeeling from the Gorkhas. Plus I think any merger plans would be vociferously opposed by the SDF, the ruling party in Sikkim. This would be triggered by the fact that the population of Darjeeling is 3 times more than that of Sikkim. So any merger would see the rise of another strong party (GJM) in state politics, and this might very well cost Mr. Chamling is beloved chair.

Advantage: Saves the hassle of the formation of a new state.

Disadvantage: Fails in all other objectives.

THIRD SOLUTION: Form a new state, Gorkhaland.

This is what the GJM is presently dreaming about. A state of their own. So that they can say that, "I belong to Gorkhaland, and that's a state of India." Very well. So first let me state the various factors.

Favourable factors-
1. Land area comparable to Goa (the smallest state).
2. High population
3. Distinct language and culture
4. Success of smaller states like Goa and Sikkim

And now the unfavourable factors-
1. Land area even less than Goa (yeah, it counts both ways of the argument).
2. Strategic concerns (it lies in the chicken's neck corridor).
3. More governments mean more ministers. More ministers mean more bureaucrats. And all this means more cars, servants, houses, and ultimately more money (and so less money available for development).
4. Failure of smaller states like Manipur, Tripura, Nagaland (the other side of the same coin).
5. The wrong message to all other communities desiring their own states.

Advantages: Solution of the problem. Complete withdrawal of all strikes and agitation. Spurt in economy.

Disadvantages: Wrong message to other communities fighting for statehood. Plus the Bengali population in Siliguri might not be too pleased. Anti-Gorkhaland strikes and rallies. Siliguri might be kept within West Bengal (but this certainly won't find much favour with GJM). But hey, you win some, you lose some. You lose a city, but you win the state.

FOURTH SOLUTION: Declare Darjeeling to be an Union Territory (with partial statehood later on).

This would be more amicable to the Central Government, and would also solve the problem of identity which the Gorkhas feels so keenly. The Government of West Bengal too, I have reasons to believe, will be less opposed to this plan. The Lieutenant-Governor appointed by the Central Government might be chosen from any of the Gorkha Regiments. This would certainly go a long way in creating goodwill amongst the people of Darjeeling. Later on as the political climate stabilises in the state, Darjeeling (or Gorkhaland after renaming) can be conferred the status of partial statehood with its own elected legislative assemblies and the executive councils of ministers on the lines of the DGHC.

Advantages: Solution of the problem. Spurt in economy. Strategic interests will be taken better care of (Gorkhaland will be a frontier UT then).

Disadvantages: The issue can still be exploited by vested political interests. GJM might not be satisfied as it's leader Bimal Gurung will have failed to get the power for himself. His dreams of being the Chief Minister will be dashed.

Finally the choice lies with the Gorkhas. It will always be difficult to satisfy all the parties. But this doesn't mean that an agreement will remain forever elusive. All we need are a few compromises and a dilution of the excited egos on both side of the political fence. And God willing everything will be great.

Gurung's Gorkhaland

The unruly Gorkhaland fiasco is again rearing its ugly head. And that head is ably represented by Mr. Bimal Gurung. The markets are closed, the roads are blocked, the schools and colleges deserted. Yippee! It's a strike. Sikkim is suffocating, the prices of commodities are increasing, tourism is taking a bad hit and all the people (whether a Bengali or a Gorkha) are getting equally inconvenienced. The police are to be seen nowhere, and for all reasons its a one party rule out there.

But on second thoughts this whole thing seems to be a little funny. The Gorkhaland issue first got prominence under the leadership of Subhas Ghising of the GNLF. The man lead a rather bloody struggle to achieve Gorkhaland, but then abandoned the struggle after the formation of the Darjeeling Hill Council. He got the power he so terribly wanted (evidently) and then ruled like a tyrant for 20 years. He had the power and the money, now why should he go on bothering on issues like development? And then steps into the scene the young and ambitious Bimal Gurung. He takes the cue from Guru Ghising and starts his morning walk following his footsteps. He forms his own party, proclaims his aim to achieve Gorkhaland and helps BJP win the Darjeeling LS seat (just like GNLF had helped Congress win the seat in the late 80s).

And if Gurung achieves Gorkhaland then after a period of time there will be yet another guy who will revolt against Gurung and form yet another party and then demand independence. The cycle will continue as history repeats itself.

My argument is that if Bimal Gurung really cares about development (as he professes in his huge rallies) then he can very easily do so in the present framework. Formation of a whole new state will do little in such a situation, unless of course, Gurung wants a personal fiefdom. Ghising had his DGHC, Gurung wants his own state. Rest of the story will be similar I guess - a single party state, a single leader, concentration of all the resources and power in one hand leading to - corruption and tyranny.

Thinking rationally, Gurung doesn't even have an premise for his demands. The West Bengal Government doesn't suppresses the people, nor their culture or traditions. For development DGHC is there. There is complete freedom and all the Gorkhas enjoy exactly the same rights as everybody else. And remember the more the number of governments, the more will be the common man taxed to elect and support the huge entourage of ministers (and deputy ministers, and bureaucrats, and cars, and buildings, and of course more corruption).

And if they think that Gorkhaland is required to save their identity, its all fine and good. According to them,
"The main reason for the demand for a separate state is the assertion of an Indian identity for the Gorkhas. Such an identity cannot be bestowed by any locally envisaged administrative systems. These are meant only for economic upliftment and social development."

But then that rule must be applied to all minority communities throughout India. For example lets take a look at West Bengal after applying this rule --
West Bengal can be broken up into 6 parts - Darjeeling, Cooch Bihar, Kamtapur, Santhal dominated areas, Murshidabad (for Muslims) and proper West Bengal.
Applying this rule we get some 90-100 states in India, and I wonder how possibly India could survive then. God bless India. Amen.

A Maoist Morning

Woke up at my usual timings, about 9:30 (and that too when threatened menacingly by mom). Brushed and gazed upon the newspaper. Damn! Those Maoists slayed some 30 policemen (including an SP!). Now this is too much. All the stupid state governments seems absolutely helpless against the hit-and-run tactics of these (severely misguided) guerrillas. So much so that the Islamic terrorists nowadays seem puny to these Chinese wannabes (with the Central government actually corroborating the fact).

I remember a few days ago, when this Lalgarh operation was at it's height, I happened to be at a mobile shop buying a recharge voucher. At that moment an extremely lean and thin man, with dense shoulder length hair, draped in clothes that might give even Mahatma Gandhi a run for his money, entered the shop. The guy was surely a tribal, that was quite evident. With a sort of stupid smiling grin eked on his face he slowly made his way over to the counter. He wanted to buy a mobile. He looked around a little and thereafter engaged in a lengthy discussion with the saleswoman (who was extremely fat, I might add). And there was I standing in a corner, looking rather suspiciously at this newcomer. All this tribal-maoist-lalgarh thing had made an impact. All tribals or even tribal looking people could now be branded as Maoists.

Two days later I saw (again) two rather tribal looking people on a motorbike near the aforementioned mobile shop. The first thought again in my mind was - 'Maoists'.

I really hate myself for that. This is like branding a whole community with the guilt of one. This is what war and hate makes us do. This is the same thing as saying that every Muslim is a terrorist, and that every damn Assamese belongs to the ULFA. This is what happened to the Irish during 'The Troubles' when every Irishman was thought to be the IRA, and this is what's happening now in this 'Global War on Terror' - whole communities are being branded for life.

And nobody's feeling sorry.

A President for India

It's time that Kalam steps down and a new person steps up for the post of President of India. And it's really sorry to see the present nominees for the post.


"We need a good President this time." said the Congress supremo Sonia Gandhi.
"Yes, of course Madame." said her humble servant Shivraj Patil.
"Not a person who thinks."
"Of course, Madame."
"What is the head for?", asked Sonia Gandhi earnestly.
"For scratching madame."
"Right. You will make a good President. At least you won't take time thinking before signing, when important bills are sent to you."

At that moment the Left Party representative got up, and in the most earnest voice possible (by his standards) said before the assembled audience, "This is absolutely not possible. How can we accept a person who believes in Sai Baba as the President of India? It's against the great secular fabric of the nation."

Sonia Gandhi eyed the representative apprehensively for a moment and then turned to her secretary, "Those are our allies right."
"Err...yes madame."
Then she turned her gaze to a portly and bald fellow sitting in the far corner. "Ah, you can be a good President too. You belong to the enlightened group of non-thinking individuals and you are pretty much powerless too, plus you would surely be acceptable to the Left parties."

"Aye", nodded the Left Party representative approvingly.

"But madame we need Pranab Mukherjee in the Cabinet. His prowess in securing extremely profitable deals is known far and wide. His absence would be a great loss", remarked her secretary anxiously.

"A loss for the nation?"
"Terrible loss for the party madame."
"Ah, then it's terrible I guess."
"Absolutely madame"

"It seems that we have a shortage of Presidential matter", declared Sonia Gandhi most gravely.

"Aye", nodded the Left Party representative approvingly.

Suddenly the secretary (who was, by the way, her political adviser as well) leapt up in the air and exclaimed, "But of course we have the esteemed Mrs. Pratibha Patil. Silly me, I actually forgot."

"Who's that?", asked Sonia Gandhi in total surprise.
"Nobody, but perfect for being President."
"What does she do?"
"Nothing"
"No I meant apart from that what does she do."
"Oh. Well when last seen or heard she was the ...err...well...ah yes, the Governor of Nagaland."
"I thought she was the Governor of Rajasthan", said a concerned onlooker.
"Whatever."

"Hmmm. What was the name?", asked Sonia Gandhi with a unmistakeable glow in her eyes.
"Pratibha Patil."
"Pratibha Patel?"
"Oh no, it's Patil with an 'i' ".
"I see".

"Can I see her now?"
"Of course madame. I had her specially called in", added her secretary and then in a hoarse voice called out, "Mrs. Patillllll...".

There was no answer. He called again. Still no answer. Now he went out of the room to see what's the matter.

Back inside the room Sonia Gandhi was biting her lips in thankful anticipation. A little later her secretary entered with the sudden Presidential candidate Mrs. Pratibha Patil.

"What took you so long?"
"Last minute jitters. Was in the toilet. You can surely understand the situation, madame", replied her secretary speaking on behalf of the speechless Presidential candidate.
"Surely I understand. That's why I am not the Prime Minister of Italy....errr...I mean India."

"Aye", nodded the Left Party representative approvingly.

"Being in the toilet shows that you can be a perfect President. Do you speak?", asked a smiling Sonia Gandhi.
"Err...actuallyyy...ee...well...I mean...errr", said the Presidential hopeful.
"Good! Do you think?"
"Err...pardon...err....err"
"Very good indeed! Have you ever done anything good for this country?"
"Good things? err...MLA...err....MP too."
"Excellent! People who have done something good for their country always make dangerous Presidents", Sonia Gandhi affirmed firmly.

"Aye", nodded the Left Party representative approvingly.

"So ladies and gentlemen I am glad to announce that at long last we have found our President. But before proggressing...". At this moment Mrs. Gandhi's speech was stopped by a sudden exclamation from the BSP supremo Miss Mayawati.

"We won't support her", declared Mayawati.
"Why so?", asked a worried Sonia Gandhi.
"Because I am still stuck in corridors."

Seeing the lost look on the Congress supremo's face her secretary whispered into her ear, "She is referring to the corridor case."
"Which corridor?"
"The Taj Corridor."
At this information she turned a bright red and whispered furiously into her secretary's ear, "What is she more concerned about? Corridors of the Taj or the corridors of Rashtrapati Bhavan?"
"But madame that is actually a corruption case. And to her disappointment it is being investigated by the CBI."
"Doesn't the CBI have better things to do? And what is Funmohan doing?"
"Funny things."
"Such as..."
"Trying to build roads and increasing the economic developement rate."
"Well ask him to transfer his attention to this problem and remove the CBI from this case. Make those guys investigate Godhra again."
"You are sooo clever madame."

"So Miss Mayawati I hope that you will support our candidate now as there will be no CBI to bother you."
"Of course. You are indeed sooo good", said a beaming Mayawati.

"But we still don't support", said the Shiv Sena representative.
"But sir", whispered his aide, "She is a marathi and a hindu too."
"OK. We support."
"Good...", said a relieved Mrs. Gandhi.

"At least everybody present here will agree that we most certainly don't want another Kalam as the President. The President should always give his attention to Dalits, Muslims, Christians, SCs, STs, OBCs etc. and not towards children", said a confident Congress head.
"Absolutely right madame", added her secretary earnestly.
"Aye", nodded the Left Party representative approvingly.
Mrs. Gandhi continued, "They give you votes. But do children give votes? Never."
"Aye".

"So before leaving the meeting, a cheers for the new President of India. Hip Hip Hurray!!"
"Aye, Aye".